I may not a full fledged femme nazi, or moving to secluded woodland commune to dance through the pastures of sunflowers barefoot (yet), or shaving my head to make a statement about gender roles, or giving away my first world freedoms and material possessions to hide out as a monk in search of spiritual enlightenment. Though, in their own ways, all of these options seem fairly appealing, this is really about finding a balance that works for our lives as they are right now.
Lets rewind to two years ago: I am fresh out of college, ready and excited to use my brain and work hard, to conduct stimulating conversations, move people, cliche as it is, I am eager to start gearing up and grinding to do my part in changing the world.... but I don't want a "job-job"! Here's why. Lets talk about this "patriarchy". Starting with a good definition, the patriarchy is a social system in which males hold primary power. The patriarchy predominate in roles of political leadership, moral authority, social privilege and control of property. The "man" isn't necessarily a male, though probably... because the patriarchy exists (*big*sigh*: confused grumble of being in a thought loop*) The "man" is the head of the establishment, designed to bring us -normal fucking people- down! No one has stated outright that this boogeyman is in fact controlling us, but when I look around, its hard not to feel stifled by these institutions that seem to hold so much decision making value in our daily lives. It was like the alarm was finally blaring in my head after one habitually sexist situation too many. I suddenly understood what other women had expressed to me for so long, it seems that men had this overarching power to dictate where I felt safe, when my opinion counted, and worst yet, what I do with my body. So here I was trying to navigate my feelings of disregard for the institution and still be aware of the reality that I have to put a roof over my head. I wanted to do something that helped me channel my frustration with "the norms" that were glaringly obvious and in truth, utter bullshit. It seems like no matter where I went, (and I even moved across the pond because I couldn't hack the political circus going on in the States any longer) I was bulldozed by this notion that some male figure in the societal sky was controlling most aspects of my life. My destiny had been predetermined by "him"? Everything from how much money I could make, how hard I should have to work, and even what roles were best for me were laid out plainly as I watched other women doing their best to push through the barriers faced by gender in their jobs. Okay I had a series of qualms I had about joining the work force out of college. I wasn't ready to say yes to "the man"; and I sure as hell wasn't ready for "the man" to make a mint at the expense of my blood, sweat, and tears. I wasn't ready to sell my soul to join the corporate slave trade we pass off as a workforce, and while the thought of joining the enemy is still sickening, more sickening is the idea of getting stuck in a mary-go-around of passionless projects that simply pay the bills. I felt better about myself to dedicate my time fighting the man instead of buddying up with him. For the first time, I had found a sense of duty to an issue I really cared about, women with careers. Working in media, music, and events could be done with some sense of social/moral dignity, without succumbing to corporate work. These industries also provided me with a platform, surely, I could find other women who felt like I did? I teamed up with some other passionate women from the radio station in Dublin I was volunteering with on a show called "The Kitchen Table" and we formed, Kitchen Table productions. (Learn more about this project in the LISTEN tab of my webpage. Starting a business isn't something that everyone has the time to do. I put in countless hours organising gigs and meetup events, I made flyers, posters, conducted interviews, researched a million different bands and thats the fun stuff. There is also the legality which, guess what, more patriarchy. But doing the grunt work does make it worth while. Once my production lady team was able to put stuff on, we started seeing interest in our project and better yet, were getting a little bit of pay from it! You should spend a good amount of time thinking about how much you care about what you're doing. In order to run something successful you've gotta be ready to dive in head first. We're all waiting on the world to change, lets start changing it. (SIDE NOTE:Im going to sound like SUCH a hypocrite in my next few paragraphs, so bear with me, I promise this comes to fruition) Not to be the bearer of bad news, but sometimes you have to suck it up and do something you don't love for a while. In my case I was moving to California to pursue my work further with women in music, media and comedy. But guess what, I had never even been to LA! I couldn't expect myself to land here and immediately get cracking on a new show, new gigs, and just know where like minded people would be to help me get these projects off the ground. And guess what, we all have to pay bills. I had to succumb and understand that for some temporary amount of time, my "I can do it myself" attitude would have to be adjusted, and I started work at a really awesome family owned sushi restaurant. Being a waitress is in no way my dream come true, but I have learned a lot working there. Here is a family that is pushing and fighting the same good fight as me. Immigrants who also aren't mad for the big business bullshit of America, are doing their part to make ends meet. but we are working towards a higher end goal, and balance through the steps and trust in the process is so key! So you aren't ready to quit your day job and go full throttle fighting the institution? Thats okay, this blog is about finding the balance that has worked for me and I encourage everyone else to do that too. There are some sure fire ways to at least kick the notion that men are ever-controlling your life. Find some hobbies that pay off! Again the key here is little by little, make sure you are still having fun, and not stressed. remember what socio-factors you are trying to avoid Ultimately I've learned through my errors and naivety. However, without avoiding the institution, and engaging in my own conversation, I would have never come to these conclusions. The Patriarchy is a mindset which must be transformed. Not accepting the ideology behind it is the first step towards establishing a world that is equal for both men and women. Not adhering the the corporate, and fiscal end of things is not the only way to fight the male predominating factors. In fact, without women pushing boundaries in their respective careers, women won't move up these ladders, little girls won't be inspired by female inventors, and engineers, and if women aren't applying for the job, then surely, the only other choice is that a smelly male gets it.
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